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For the love . . .

low-point

Helpful hint # 60

14 May, 2013 by moi 174712 Commentshttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.magpieandmuttonfly.com%2F2013%2F05%2Fhelpful-hint-60%2FHelpful+hint+%23+602013-05-14+08%3A00%3A40moihttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.magpieandmuttonfly.com%2F%3Fp%3D17471

Be warned: keep your eyes facing forward when walking the hallways at work. Especially if you’re walking  with co-workers. And the walls surrounding you happen to be made of concrete. Because you just never know when one of those walls may suddenly jump right out in front of you. Jutting walls are wily fellows; most likely the tomfoolery will transpire as you’re looking away–at a co-worker, perhaps. There you’ll be, using your active listening skills, nodding solemnly, maybe throwing your head back in laughter–it’s hard to say because you won’t recall much of anything once you body-slam the wall.

One co-worker will stop in her tracks. “What was that noise?!”

The other will attempt an explanation, while simultaneously trying to offer comfort. But let’s face it: it’s hard to say much of anything when you’re laughing so hard you can barely stand. 

 And you can just forget trying to epxlain how you suffered whiplash whilst walking down an empty corridor.

Of course, the upside of all this: if it takes place prior to heading outside, to meander downtown and soak in a bit of Vitamin D, it may cause your co-workers to be extra-vigilant in making sure you don’t run into a light post, fall down a manhole, or slip off the sidewalk.

So safety first, my friends; whatever it takes, safety first!

Posted in: Humble pie Tagged: good times, low-point

Helpful hint #314

25 June, 2012 by moi

If you’re heading to a gig after a long day at work, and a fellow band member picks you up, do take heed–especially as you run hither and yon between the office, your car, and what you assume to be your friend’s car–because, funny thing, many cars look alike. For that matter, many the back of a head look alike. Therefore, it would behoove you to make eye contact with your friend, to confirm the vehicle does, indeed, belong to him. Otherwise, some poor fellow, sitting in his car, minding his own business, is going to be awakened from his daydream to find what he can only assume to be a crazed stranger, opening the door, hanging up pants, and setting down shoes in the backseat of his car. He most definitely will not be sticking around to see what that stranger does next, thus leaving you bereft of the bottom half of your performance attire. And let’s be serious: you’d much rather your fine vocal renderings serve as entertainment, rather than your experience serve as a warning . . .

::::

This helpful hint was brought to you by a local band member. Names have been withheld to protect the {not so} innocent.

The drop cap, courtesy of Jessica Hische and Daily Drop Cap.

Posted in: Miscellany Tagged: hum, low-point

Humiliating episode #673

5 March, 2012 by moi

Clogs are a gamble. One, there’s a fine line between fashion and faux pas. Two, the very thing that ensures you don’t err on the side of frumpy, may very well serve your demise. A fashionable clog, you see, is made for sauntering. It’s made for long strides–deliberate steps marked with the occasional pause, one foot extended, hands on hips, head held high as if to say, Why yes, I am quite fabulous. One misstep and you’re doomed.

I thought was prepared. The clogs worn Saturday are brown, fur lined, with a platform sole and a heel you give an inch and it climbs a mile. They have the first step down. And while I knew I’d be walking downtown, to lunch, it’s usually a casual stroll–nothing of which to concern myself.

This was all right and good–until our return, when we hit four lanes of traffic, with seven seconds left on the clock, and the rest of my group decided to make a run for it. Like a lemming, I jumped right in after them. Almost immediately I lost one shoe and twisted my ankle.  Nothing if not determined, I shouted a war cry, stuffed my foot back in my clog, and shuffled off. While the details are a bit hazy, apparently, in order to propel myself forward, eyes locked on the DO NOT WALK sign, feet in my shoes, I felt the need to hold my purse either up over my head or straight out in front of me.

The bad news: there were people waiting at the light. There were witnesses to this particular low point. I didn’t have the heart to look up and see if I knew any of them, if any of them were hot, if any of them were flipping me off, or holding camera phones.

The good news: I lived to tell the tale. I lived to sound a warning. So take heed, my friends, take heed–and mind your shoes.

::::

Special thanks to the ever-talented Jessica Hische for providing us the Daily Drop Cap.

Posted in: Humble pie Tagged: good times, low-point

Don’t panic!

22 March, 2009 by moi

I decided to do my part to aid the ailing economy today.  I was chauffeuring my mom to church this morning – happy in my own little world – when I heard her say, “Are you going to stop?!”  This, of course, brought me back down to reality.  But instead of breaking, like a rational human being, I panicked and gunned it.  Right through a fence.

Really, if you think about it, it was rather impressive the efficiency with which I accomplished it all.  In a matter of seconds I managed to fly through the air, over a barrier, through a wooden fence, reverse, pull back into the parking spot, shut off my car, and start crying.

Of course, I had to explain my plight to my friends.  The conversation went something like this:

Me: Who drives their car through a fence? Besides, you know, really old people.

Mom: You.

Kristi: Don’t feel bad, I’m sure a lot of people drive through fences – Francine, you’ve driven through a fence before, right?

Francine: [deer-in-the-headlights-look]

Mom: We’ll take that as a no.

Kristi: Well, it wasn’t your fault, there should be barriers of some sort.

Mom: There is.

Jen: She ran over the barrier.

Kristi:  You did?

Me:  Flew right over the top.

*sigh*

So now a family gets a new portion of fence; a friend will earn some business; the church will get some free writing; and some point down the road the auto body shop will have a new customer (they make cars so cheap nowadays – I mean really, you can’t even even drive through an old rickety fence?! C’MON!).  It’s a win-win really.

But here’s the thing that gets me.  Just this morning I was perusing the paper when I caught sight of a headline regarding a car being driven into a storefront.  I didn’t even read the article; I just thought, “What an idiot!”  Yeah, well who’s the idiot now, my friend? Who’s the idiot now …

Posted in: Humble pie Tagged: cars, low-point, you can't take me anywhere

Historical significance

31 March, 2008 by moi

According to www.on-this-day.com it’s important to note, on this day in history, nineteen-hundred-ninety-nine, Fabio was hit in the face by a bird during a promotional ride of a new roller coaster at the Busch Gardens theme park in Williamsburg, VA. Fabio received a one-inch cut across his nose. I kid you not. This is actually listed alongside the Eiffel Tower opening, Ford debuting its V-8 engine, and Germany beginning its counter-offensive in North Africa.

So here’s my question: What the?!!!

It’s not like comacazi fowl are unusual. Please. And theme parks?! Dangerous ground my friend, dangerous ground. I remember going to The Lagoon when I was young. There I was … sitting on a park bench with a friend … enjoying a snack or two … when I felt something plop-a-top my head. At first I thought it was a bird with gastric distress. But then I looked up. There they were.  Two boys.  Hovering well above my head they were laughing and pointing.  They thought they were hysterical–as boys so often do when they do something unbecoming, like spit on a girls head!  

Of course, as said girl, I can tell you boy spit was ten-times worse than bird poop could EVER be. I was ruined. Ruined.

Guess I should just be thankful that particular low-point did not make it on a list of historical events–at least none that I’m aware of …

Posted in: Miscellany Tagged: low-point
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Magpie & Muttonfly is the place where I write about all the things that make our stories grand. Emphasis on me, myself, and I. Any review or recommendation posted on this site is solely my own {unless otherwise noted}. Occasionally you will find a link to Amazon.com. An eternal window shopper, I only list items that strike my fancy. Any time you click the link and proceed to make a purchase, I get a wee referral fee. You will not be charged more--but once or twice a year I earn enough to purchase a tin of my favorite tea. So I do thank you for that!

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